Before I Tell · For the adult

Someone is about to tell you something hard.

This page helps the conversation go well. It takes two minutes to read.

How to receive what you're about to hear

Listen all the way through first.
No questions, no advice, no visible alarm — even helpful interruptions tell them to stop.
Believe them.
The strongest predictor of whether a young person keeps seeking help is whether the first adult believed them.
Don't promise secrecy — say what you must share, before they start.
In Ontario, every adult must report suspected abuse or neglect of anyone under 16 directly to a children's aid society — even things told "in confidence." Say this up front, plainly and kindly.
Let silence happen.
If they go quiet or cry, wait. The pause is part of the telling.
End with what happens next — decided together.
Name one concrete next step and when you'll check in.

The hard case

What if they ask you not to tell anyone — and it's something you must report?

Honour every request you legally can, and be honest immediately about the one you can't: "I'm going to do everything you asked. One thing I can't do is keep this part secret — the law says I have to involve people whose whole job is protecting you. I'll tell you exactly what happens next, and I'm not going anywhere."

Under Ontario's Child, Youth and Family Services Act, the duty to report is yours personally — you must call a children's aid society directly and cannot delegate it. For 16–17 year olds, reporting is permitted rather than mandatory, which gives you room to plan next steps together.

Source: Ontario College of Teachers, Professional Advisory on the Duty to Report; OACAS.

This link may also carry the young person's specific requests — enable JavaScript to see them. Everything above applies either way.

What is Before I Tell?